Ambrose Bierce

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Prejudice - a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

Football is controlled violence, but it is violence, which people have loved to watch since the gladiatorial contests in ancient Rome.

It was a myth that's often perpetuated at commencement that holds that only hope and promise lie beyond the halls of academe. Don't worry, be happy. Everything is fine.

I'm awkward at these things. Just being nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor for Karate Kid was a real surprise and I was a little uncomfortable.