Top 83 Quotes by Dave Barry

The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

The simple truth is that balding African-American men look cool when they shave their heads, whereas balding white men look like giant thumbs.

We journalists make it a point to know very little about an extremely wide variety of topics; this is how we stay objective.

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion or ethnic background, is that we all believe we are above-average drivers.