David Letterman

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

I had no idea this thing was televised. Boy, is my face red.

There is no off position on the genius switch.

Every time there's an institutional issue like impeachment, there's concern from the outside about what will happen.

Well, I actually wrote her a letter a couple of days ago congratulating her. The tone I tried to convey in the letter is, look, you are a part of a great American historical process.

I'm not confident with the ladies. I can't just ask someone out in a club. I'd like to say I'm a gentleman.