Erma Bombeck

What a piece of garbage this smart car is. There's a commercial - the smart car has zero percent interest for six years. Well, good, I got zero percent in six years in buying this smart car. I'll tell you that much. I mean, it's ridiculous. My buddy has a smart car, totaled it. He hit a deer tick.

The thing I always liked best about touring abroad was constantly running into different people, different cultures, different foods. It really pumped up my batteries... I'm constantly playing to a demographically diverse audience... one generation is driven by nostalgia, the next by curiosity. And that's why I have no plans to retire.