Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Children make your life important.

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.