Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.