Mitch Hedberg

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

One of my favorite dishes is this alfredo I make, and I make the sauce from scratch. I love making everything from scratch.

I'm a big pasta fan. I'm a big Italian food fan. Anything Italian - I love cheese, mozzarella. Mozzarella is my favorite, so I have to say anything Italian, I'll take it.

Acting is a masochistic form of exhibitionism. It is not quite the occupation of an adult.