Top 77 Quotes by Patton Oswalt

About Patton Oswalt

These are some quotes by American author Patton Oswalt Comedian, who was born on January 27, 1969.

I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.

I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.

Patton Oswalt

I know how my body operates differently from what it did when it was 30 and when it was 20. As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

I know how my body operates differently from what it did when it was 30 and when it was 20. As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

Patton Oswalt

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

Patton Oswalt

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you.

Patton Oswalt

As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions.

Patton Oswalt

It wasn't until I went to college and met different people from different areas of life - and then went to San Francisco and met people who really knew who the hell they were - that I kind of caught up in a hurry.

Patton Oswalt

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago.

Patton Oswalt

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now.

Patton Oswalt

I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.

I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians.

Patton Oswalt

There's all kinds of those moments in your life where either through a weird set of circumstances, or a song you hear, or a smell you smell, or one person says something totally out of the context without the meaning that you assigned to it, but you snap back to the way you were when you were 14 or 15. We all deal with that.

Patton Oswalt

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