Quentin Crisp

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

My style is very laid back. I like to be comfortable, but with some kind of piece that pumps it up a little bit - something more high fashion.

The latest page I've been working is about the organization of the pantheon of the gods. Who's indebted to whom, how they are related, who screwed whose uncle or grandmother, all of that.

Why do men fight who were born to be brothers?